


sad circus

by without_a_box



Series: 8 Days of Axel [4]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: 8daysofaxel, Gen, Quote
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-25
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-11-18 17:15:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11295129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/without_a_box/pseuds/without_a_box
Summary: The Organization is filled with those who cannot feel, pretending to feel, it is a sad circus of people.For viiixel.





	sad circus

**Author's Note:**

> day four everyone of 8 days of axel
> 
> today's prompt; favourite quote
> 
> check out all the details here; https://viiixel.tumblr.com/post/161678474576/welcome-to-year-ii-of-8-days-of-axel-like

_I guess the closest thing we Nobodies have got is our past. You know, memories of the stuff we couldn’t bear to lose, back when we couldn’t bear to lose it._

* * *

Meeting Roxas is something no one could ever prepare for. His hazy expression forces Axel to deal with the reality he lives in, that he cannot feel anything. Roxas cannot recall anything about his past; it’s the nightmare that is Roxas’ life.

 

But the first time Axel watches his face light up he is so tempted to check if Roxas has a pulse, to see if there is a heart beating under that black cloak. For someone with no recollection of emotion, to be able to show it, well it makes him question the Superior.

 

The Organization is filled with those who cannot feel, pretending to feel, it is a sad circus of people.

 

Days, weeks and months pass since Roxas has joined, sometimes Axel likes to think that it was him and the other Nobodies that taught Roxas to pretend like them, but he can’t help but wonder. Roxas is different, is special, he has an Other out there, maybe Roxas has a heart.

 

Axel questions this, Roxas stumbles in his answer.

 

He looks so lost and confused, “Wouldn’t we?”

 

On another day, a similar day on top of that faithful clock tower, Roxas questions him if had anything he couldn’t bear to lose. The first thing to come to mind is Isa, and then he remembers.

 

“ _I guess the closest thing we Nobodies have got is our past. You know, memories of the stuff we couldn’t bear to lose, back when we couldn’t bear to lose it.”_

 

The words sound like a lie to his own ears, there are so many things he wished he could forget, wished he still had to emotion to regret, he wonders who he would be without memories of his past. What would he be without memories of Isa and the Garden? Who would he be without Lea?

 

These are thoughts he cannot dwell on. The truth is simple and clear; he has no heart, no emotion. He has no regret or fear or guilt, he cannot be happy or sad or angry. He can feel all these things once Isa, no Saix and himself complete their plan.

 

He will do anything to get back his heart, even if it means lying to Roxas, and lying to himself. Because if he were truthful he would tell Roxas about his Other, would confess his sins to this boy, he would question Saix’s loyalty. If Axel were an honest man, he would turn his back on the Organization, would run away, and take Roxas and Xion with him, he would tell them everything. Everything he knew about Ansem’s apprentices, about Castle Oblivion, about Sora, about Kingdom Hearts.

 

But Axel is not an honest man; he’s not even a man. He is a Nobody, he has no emotion, and all he has is the memories of time in which he did. These are the memories that shape his actions even now. He wouldn’t know what he would be without this past.

 

It is a nightmare he could not bear to be without.

 


End file.
